I feel lonely and hate my current life?

You don't exist. The world exists. Your body exists but this "me" that is "keeping track" does not exist and never has. Every time you say (or type) something that has the word "I" in it, then you know that sentence is only there to mask some kind of fear. Everything we do is done out of fear. Realize this, if you do exist then everything you've said that applies to you IS TRUE. Your "ugliness", your social phobias, all of it as real as real gets, so make lemonade. That's all you ever could do, so what's stopping you? You are. And worst of all you don't even exist.